I am leaving for a retreat in Bali in five days. People ask if I am excited. I don’t feel that feeling so much. I get moments of giddy, of thrill but what I actually feel consistently is a deeper feeling.
My son said, “Content.” I think he might be on to something there. What I feel the most is “Right” or maybe “True.” I feel like its exactly what I am supposed to be doing right now. Called in a way that it makes complete sense to leave my children and this place I call home – for two weeks to travel to a remote island almost half way around the world. To be immersed in ritual, ceremony, spirituality, beauty and to indulge in an experience of connection, healing, relaxation, and exploration not only physically but mentally and emotionally as well.
I am trying to remember exactly what day it was the first call came. I am not sure that it really matters but I like to look for the signs and the patterns that lead up to big noticeable moments.
I was at the bank. There is this delightfully sweet teller that has been there for as long as I have been banking there. While doing our usual transactions we always chat a little. She tells me she has just returned from Bali. “You need to go there” she says – but not like she says this to every customer that steps up to the window. More like it is just for me to hear. I feel the truth of it in my body for a moment. A “she’s right” feeling.
Struck for a moment. I do need to go to Bali. I don’t know why, but I know I need to go.
I hear it again from a close friend not too long after that interaction at the bank. “You should go there,” she says.
I am stuck again. We read a lot of books together. She’s just finished reading The Art of Hearing Heartbeats by Jan-Phillip Sendker. It is set in Ubud – a village in Bali. I’d read the story this time last year and called her while I was reading it and said “you must read this.” I heard about the book one Friday while having coffee with the weekly rosary prayer group I go to with my children. Actually, I “over-heard” about it. What I heard from across the room was “it is a story about how love prevails.” I stopped the conversation I was in immediately and moved closer and asked, “what’s it called?” I download the book when I get home, I end up buying the paperback and dog earring and highlighting like I do when a book speaks to my soul. I read it intimately. I couldn’t put it down. I had to put a “do not disturb” sign around my neck until I was finished. I wrote how I relished every word. I recommended it over and over. It is a deeply touching story of unconditional love. It’s unexpected, rich and deeply moving.
When I heard “go to Bali” for a third time, I made the decision to create the trip. I had to go. Now I had a friend who wanted to go too. It was on her “bucket list” which is really what I believe is a “heart call” list. The way of life, the moments, the experiences your soul desires to have. Some people think those kinds of dreams are out of the realm of possibility but truly they are not when you set the intention to live out your bucket list and create your life around that which can fulfill those promises to yourself. It takes effort, commitment and the ability to get out of your own way and go do those things your heart calls you to do.
And so it began – the preparations to travel to Bali – to answer the call of my heart.
To visit a place that speaks of spirit, ritual, ceremony, love, beauty, adventure, cleansing and healing. I feel a call to go see, to be in, to be with the Balinese culture and to share what I feel while I am there. I feel compelled to let you know that its possible to follow your heart calls, your soul whispers. To really get quiet and listen to what you are being drawn to, led to, then do what you have to do to make it happen. To leave behind what needs to be left behind to experience and explore. To find the parts of yourself that may only be found in far off places and bring back the beauty, the truth, the story of you, the story of your heart and share it with others so that they can see the possibilities too.
I feel a sense of purpose on this trip. It’s all coming together, effortlessly, beautifully, peacefully, softly. The way I feel called to be.
You can come with me if you’d like. I’ll be sharing on Instagram moments of what I have begun to call “My Magical Mystery Tour.”